An estimated 20 million couples have stopped being sexually intimate.
Why do men stop having sex with their wives? The reason is seldom
simple and may have a physiological, psychological, or cultural
foundation; recent studies add a genetic component. Often these elements
combine. Many married couples are living celibate lives and aren’t
intimate with their spouses. These ae people you see everyday o act
lovey dovey, It’s more rampant than you might think.
We looked at the statistical reasons our male survey respondents, who
self identified as choosing not to have sex with their spouses, gave us
for no longer being intimate, and we studied their comments carefully.
Let’s first take a look at some statistics. We asked men to rate a list
of reasons on a scale that went from strongly agree to strongly
disagree. The following table lists in descending order the percentage
of men who agreed with each of the causes.
Most women are raised to believe men want sex all the time, a belief
the media consistently reinforces. So when a woman suddenly finds
herself in a sexless marriage, it not only hurts a lot, its bewildering.
It seems irrational. That same man, the one who couldn’t wait to get
you alone, couldn’t wait to make love to you, now acts either annoyed or
exhausted if you even hint at intimacy. Sex should be such a natural,
pleasurable, loving, simple thing, shouldn’t it? How did this happen?
Today we know, or at least we think we do. Women’s magazines seem to
constantly be giving results to polls that ask the inevitable question:
“If you are married or in a committed relationship, how often do you
have sex?” The average is one to two times a week, a figure that hasn’t
changed since Kinsey first published his data on men in 1948 and women
in 1953. Data are data, but what about all the couples who wouldn’t
score quite so high on this test? If you are in a relationship where
once a month is the norm, or for that matter, once a year, do you even
want to take the test?
WHY MEN SAID THEY STOPPED (reason percentage (%)
- She isn’t sexually adventurous enough for me - 68
- She doesn’t seem to enjoy sex – 61
- I am interested in sex with others, but not with my wife - 48
- I am angry at her – 44
- I’m bored – 41
- She is depressed – 40
- She has gained a significant amount of weight – 38
- I am depressed – 34
- I no longer find her physically attractive – 32
- I suffer from erectile dysfunction – 30
- I lost interest and I don’t know why – 28
- I prefer to masturbate, but not online – 25*
- I prefer to watch pornography online and masturbate – 25*
- I am on medication that lowered my libido – 21
- I am/was having an affair – 20
- I suffer from premature ejaculation – 16
- I have difficulty achieving orgasm – 15
- I am too tired – 14
- She is/was having an affair – 9
- I don’t have the time – 6
- I wasn’t interested in sex to begin with – 3
- I am gay – <1
*These figures may overlap.
Even an anonymous online survey might cause some people to reshape or
shade the truth. Although the men know (or at least think they know)
the reasons for their voluntary celibacy but the women are only
guessing, either way the situation is embarrassing and painful. It is
therefore not surprising that both men and women agree most with
statements that shift responsibility away from themselves. Indeed, men
indicate a lack of sexual adventure (hers, not his) as primary. It is
difficult to believe that this lack of erotic excitement is completely
one-sided, and that these men who identify their wives as adventurous
are themselves imaginatively passionate guys, just somehow mysteriously
unable to inspire the one woman they chose to marry. *scoffs*
Both men and women agree most with statements that shift
responsibility away from themselves. After all, they probably knew her
acceptable level of tolerance for erotic exploration before the vows
were exchanged. We suspect that boredom or other factors is closer to
the truth, or they are confusing the pornography they see on DVDs or the
Internet with reality.
What do you think?
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