One of the worst things you can do is become obsessed with the other woman. It’s natural for you to be curious about her, but she’s not worth your time and energy.
Your husband is cheating. You’re not sure what to do. Before
wrestling with that decision, let’s focus first on what you SHOULDN’T
do. Most women react blindly when they find out their husbands are
having an affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge
compel them to do things they later regret — things which make it
difficult or impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity advice
they may later receive.
This article will keep you from making a mistake that could sabotage
the course of action you eventually decide to take. Regardless of
whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to
work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can make a bad
situation worse. Let’s look at 5 key things you SHOULDN’T do and examine
the reasons why.
1. Don’t put him out or leave him – yet.
Instead of your first move, putting your husband out or leaving him
should be your last resort. You may eventually decide to do this, but
for now, it’s the worst thing you can do. Right now you need to keep a
close eye on what’s going on. It’ll be easier to do that if the two of
you are still living under the same roof. If you put him out or leave,
you’ll be hard-pressed to know what he’s doing, short of hiring an
investigator. As long as you’re still together, you can keep your finger
on the pulse of his affair and gather some much-needed facts. There’s a
lot you need to know about the situation before you can make an
intelligent decision about what to do. Continue monitoring your
husband’s activities, attitude, the frequency of his contact with his
lover and any other details concerning his affair. Write everything down
in a journal for future use. Also bear in mind that as long as he’s
still there, you have a chance to work things out.
2. Don’t tell the whole world about his infidelity.
It’s natural to want to confide in somebody about your husband’s
affair, or rally friends and family to your side. But be very cautious
about who you tell. The female friend you confide in could turn out to
be the “other woman.” Make sure you’re confiding in someone you know you
can trust. Confiding in a male friend about your husband’s affair could
complicate the situation. There are men out there who take advantage of
women when they’re in a vulnerable state. Telling your husband’s
friends or family may not produce the results you want. They might not
take you seriously, or they may lie, make excuses for him, take his
side, or warn him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own family and
friends can eventually come back to haunt you. Elephants aren’t the only
ones who never forget. Some people have a tendency to remember
unpleasant events long after they’ve been resolved. If you and your
husband decide to reconcile, they could make things difficult by
harboring anger and hostility toward him for what he did to you. Or they
may show resentment toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution in
who you tell about your husband’s affair.
3. Don’t ignore his affair or pretend it’s not happening.
Going into denial will only make matters worse. As traumatic as it is
to find out that your husband has been cheating, you need to face the
reality of the situation. Ignoring his infidelity gives him the go-ahead
to continue his affair. Pretending it’s not happening will make him
think he’s getting away with his cheating, or give him the impression
that he has your silent approval. At some point you should inform your
husband that you know about his affair and make it clear that you want
it to stop. The sooner you confront him about his cheating, the better.
The longer you wait to bring it up and express your disapproval, the
more attached he will become to the other woman. And the harder it will
be to get your marriage back on track. Remember too, that affairs thrive
in secrecy. Sometimes, just telling your husband you know about it,
will be enough to put a stop to his affair.
4. Don’t confront him without the 3 P’s – Proof, a Plan, and a Purpose.
Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his
cheating. But you need to have a plan. Choose the time and place
carefully so you can discuss the affair at length without interruption.
DO NOT ask your husband if he’s cheating. CHEATERS ALWAYS LIE. Present
the evidence you’ve gathered that proves he’s having an affair – names,
dates, places, times, absences, phone calls, physical evidence, etc.
Then ask him some pointed questions about his affair: why he did it, how
it started, how long it’s been going on, how he feels about the other
woman, what he intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully to his
answers so you can accurately assess the situation. Then you’ll be able
to make a wise decision about what course of action to take. DO NOT
CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND WITHOUT PROOF OF HIS INFIDELITY. To do so will be a
colossal waste of time. Unless you can prove he’s been cheating, the
information-gathering phase will never get off the ground. If you need
proof, there’s a way for you to get it without hiring a detective or
buying software or surveillance equipment. “Is He Cheating on You? – 829
Telltale Signs” will help you find all the proof you need using only
your eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of your husband, and the
information in this book.
5. Don’t waste your time and energy on the other woman.
One of the worst things you can do is become obsessed with the other
woman. It’s natural for you to be curious about her, but she’s not worth
your time and energy. Repeatedly questioning your husband about her,
referring to her or dragging her name into the conversation puts the
spotlight on her instead of on the real issues where it belongs. Don’t
obsess over the details of what happened between the two them.
Concentrate on working things out between the two of you. Do not
humiliate or frustrate yourself by calling or confronting the other
woman and demanding that she leave your husband alone. She’s not
obligated to take orders from you. Harassing her or threatening her will
put you on the wrong side of the law. Name-calling, criticizing or
belittling the her will only make your husband come to her defense.
You’ll be driving them closer together instead of forcing them apart
Forget about the other woman and focus your energy and efforts on
getting your marriage back on track.
Will you end up sabotaging your marriage or saving it? The final
outcome depends on the way you handle things when you first discover
your husband’s affair. In the initial stages, you may be unsure exactly
what you’re going to do. But at least you know what NOT to do. Whether
you stay with your husband or leave him, avoiding these mistakes, leaves
the way clear for whatever decision you eventually make.
Source: Y naija
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